Thursday, 28 October 2010

Bit Of Only Fools...

Ok. You're going to laugh. Which I can't say I blame you for, because it is funny.

I think my hair is falling out!!!

Not like proper falling out you understand, not in clumps, but like...shedding. I feel like a bunny rabbit who is losing her winter coat. Except that I'm losing my summer hair??? It makes no bloody sense! I had it all cut off on Tuesday, there is nothing left of it! All the ratty split ends are gone, but its still coming out in my hands. And don't even talk to me about brushing it, its a nightmare! Eurgh. EURGH EURGH EURGH. I think its because I'm stressed. Because I am so stressed. Can you tell???

Now that my hairy little problem is out in the open, I can move on. This is going to be another boring rambly internal monologue post I'm afraid. Food wise this week hasn't been great, so weighing in tomorrow should be interesting. I don't think I've gone massively over, but I haven't tracked and that is always a recipe for disaster. Plus as we speak I'm sitting here munching on a bowl of pop-corn, which isn't helping. It hasn't got sugar on it...but still. Not really the point. Having said that, I've had a bit of a film night tonight and you can't have one of those without munchies so I think I'm justified! I watched the new Robin Hood with Emma...Russell Crowe is uh-mazing. Why can't all men look like that? He's massive! And all beardy and rugged. Mmmmmm. Just so I don't sound like a total swooning girl, can I just say the film is wicked as well! Now me and Natalie are watching the first Harry Potter film...I'm so loving little Radcliffe, Grint and Watson....ahhhhh :) I'm fully aware that I should be doing something productive with my time, but fuck it. I'll get round to it. I've had a stressful day.

As for the other stuff that I mentioned in my last post, nothing to report! I still can't figure out if I'm interested or, more to the point, if he is. Honestly, I'm too old for this shit! Why can't it just be easy? I seem to be having the same conversation over and over recently with several of my friends, boys and girls, and we've all said exactly the same thing. We like someone, but we can't tell them because we don't think they'll reciprocate. And if they don't reciprocate, it will be embarrassing. And I know thats all true, but what I'm beginning to wonder is - why? Why is it embarrassing to like someone? Surely liking someone is a good thing? Its a nice feeling, and sure when people don't return the feelings its unpleasant, but how much of that is actually hurt feelings and how much of it is embarrassment because you told them? Its so frustrating. I don't understand how telling someone how you feel came to be seen as a weakness or something to be ashamed of. Especially as, if the person you like is a good person, they're not going to make a big deal out of it. If they do make a big deal then they're obviously not worth liking, right? Am I making any sense?? Probably not.

Oh, and one more thing...to anyone reading this blog who, in a few days, might decide to misinterpret what I've said and use it against me...I'll make you a deal. Ask me anything you want, and I'll answer honestly. 100% honestly. Because I'm so sick of the drama and mocking.
You know who you are :)

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 24 October 2010

Cryptic.

Hi everyone.

Before I start, an apology to anyone reading this, it seems this blog has turned into a massive monologue. Half the time it feels like I'm dictating whats going through my mind at any given moment. Least I'm being honest though.

To anyone not reading this, I can't say I blame you. Good call.

Anyway. Moving onnnn :)

I'm unsure, being the total loser I am, whether or not I mentioned my new job in previous posts. I'm pretty sure I didn't. Its nothing amazing, just a few hours a week at the uni nightclub but its still pennies!! At the moment I'm just bar support and training but after Christmas the hours will change and I'll be on the bar itself, which could be interesting! I've done bar work before but that was at a tiny golf club back home, so nothing like a club full of pissed up students.

Other than work I've actually had a very pleasant weekend. My shopping trip on Friday was at least partially successful and I came home with three tops and a pair of wannabe Uggs (New Look, £16. Winner.) Hopefully I'll have some pics up of some of my new outfits other the next week or so :) Then I had a lovely night in with the housemates which involved a huge steak and a lot of chocolate. Not so good for Weight Watchers but it was a wicked night. Then yesterday I had another trip into town yesterday with Mummykins. We both bought dresses in Dorothy Perkins but mine is going back sadly, its farrrr too shapeless, it just makes me looks boxish. Never a good look for a fat girl. We also had Pizza Express, which was amazing but rather naughty tbh. Still, totally worth it!

Now, the sharper tacks among you may have noticed the title of this post. Normally when there's something on my mind I launch straight into it but I'm trying to gather my thoughts on this one because tbh, I don't really know what I think about the situation. And without knowing what I think about the situation I have to try to decipher what three other people think about the situation. Again, this is very much me monologuing but 9 times out of 10 writing it down helps me clear my head, so here goes.

Obviously, there's a guy. Well, actually, there are two guys. At the moment nothing has happened with either of them. Well, nothing more than a kiss at least. Where it gets complicated is that one of the guys is my friends ex. I know that I like him, and I know he's interested as well. But there's a code!! And, how the hell am I supposed to broach that subject with my friend? I can't. I'd be mortified. So would she! She'd say it was ok, it wouldn't be, bad things would happen. You know the drill. I can't do that to her.

Now the other guy...eurgh. He's hot. Again, its complicated. I know him from uni, he was in one of my wild module seminars last year but we've only just got talking properly. But I just can't seem to figure him out. We talk most days, and there's always mass innuendo and banter and sarcasm on both sides, but I can't figure out whether we're two eight year olds pulling each others hair in the playground, or whether we do genuinely annoy each other. He irritates the life out of me but I don't know whether thats pent-up sexual tension or genuine annoyance. There are never any clues, he'll say things and then not follow them up, etc etc. To be honest I think he just enjoys toying with me. Plus, I hate his friends. They're idiots. Eurgh, men. Part of me wants to put the 3st back on because while I may not be swimming in offers at the moment, I had absolutely none then! It was definitely easier!

Anyway, so there is my dilemma. Do I actually like him? And if I do, what am I supposed to do about it when he talks in code all the time? And if anything does happen, how am I supposed to deal with tweedle-dee, tweedle-dum, tweedle-dumber and tweedle-fucking-twat? Can I not hire someone to make these decisions for me??

If anyone wants to apply for the job, let me know!

Right, I'm off to the library...on a Sunday...nice.

Lauren xxx

Friday, 22 October 2010

I STS :(

Yep, stayed the same this week, which isn't fantastic. To be fair I have been massively drunk three days out of seven and have only had maximum of two or three days on or under points, so it could have been worse!!

You'll be pleased to know that I'm no longer super-bitch Lauren from earlier in the week, although I have woken up in a foul mood today for some reason. Being ill has really messed me up this week and all I've wanted to do is sleep, as such I haven't got loads done in terms of uni work. Fortunately being a lit student just means 'lots of reading', which you can do while snuggled in bed, so I've got some Moby Dick stuff for my essay done. Things like Edward II though, they require a bit more concentration...

Anyway, so today I'm feeling much better and have decided to head into town to do some shopping (food and clothes). The rest of my student loan has arrived and I am in such desperate need of new shoes its unreal. And actually kind of Oliver-Annie-poor-little-orphan-esque :/ So thats my day. This evening I am going to blitz the house because Mumma Jones is coming to see me tomorrow and if she sees the place in the state its in now she'll probably have a stroke.

Off to get ready now, toooodlessss :)

Lauren xxx

Monday, 18 October 2010

Kidney Infections Suck

Ok, so yesterday was not fun. It all started out Ok-ish, felt a little rough in the morning but I figured that was the booze from the night before so I just got on with it. By 8pm I had a temperature of 102.8 and was ready to throw myself under the next on-coming vehicle I could find. Unless that vehicle happened to be a Peugeot or a KA, as I'm pretty sure I'd do more damage to them than they would to me. Anyway, you take my point.

After a rather amusing conversation with an NHS Direct lady ('you have tonsilitus' 'no, I don't' 'yes, you do' 'my tonsils were taken out four years ago so no, I don't) I was told to go to 'the nearest available medical facility' to get checked out. That I did, and I have a kidney infection. Fuuuun. Two weeks antibiotics = no boozing for a fortnight. I can tell you now, ain't gunna happen! Stupid kidneys. I did not become a student so I could be sober for two weeks. I don't actually think I have been sober for a solid two week period since I turned sixteen. Which is slightly scary in itself.

I blame the parents.

Anyway, despite being in a ridiculous amount of pain (the drugs only take the edge off when you double-dose them with other painkillers, as I found out this evening) I managed to battle my way up to the campus this afternoon where I managed to see three people that I'd like to punch in the space of about three minutes of each other. All of them are from back home. I swear to God, they're out to get me. I don't mean to sound paranoid, but seriously, what is that!? Of all the universities in all the countries in all the world, these three cretins had to choose mine. The people I like fuck off to Birmingham and London. The ones I'd like to harm, come to Canterbury. CHRISSSSSTTT.

One day soon I will have something positive to post about.

It might even have something to do with Weight Watchers. But I'm making no promises on that one!

At the moment I'm just using this blog to rant. In fact, I might just create a list of annoyances and get it over and done with.

  1. The fact that half my secondary school are now at the same university as me.
  2. Party in the USA. Or not, as it were. This annoyance links quite nicely to annoyance #1 in that the whole point of America was to get away from the madness for twelve months. And also to meet a rich, hot, American guy who I will eventually marry. And we'll live in the suburbs and have three kids who say 'mom' and I will do charity work, because thats what women in my situation do. This links to annoyance #3:
  3. Because I'm ill, I have automatically reverted to shite eating today to make myself feel better. Note to self: peanut butter on toast and chocolate, while delicious, does not constitute a healthy balanced meal. Nobody likes a heifer, particularly aforementioned hot, rich Americans.
  4. The fact that the entire education system seems to be run by a load of pompous left-wing idiots who have nothing better to do than harp on about how evil Cameron is. Stop whining about what a bunch of Nazis the Conservatives are and just accept the fact that your party spend 13 years shitting all over us. And STOP trying to convert me to your bleeding-heart way of thinking. Aint gunna happen folks, sozzzz.
  5. Men. I just don't understand them in the traditional male-female context. When I'm with a guy who is just a friend, I understand him perfectly. Always on the same page. Might as well have a penis. The rest of the time its completely lost on me.
  6. My housemates. They're making far too much noise.
  7. My seminar leader. She's a colossal bitch. And she wears brown leather sandals with grey tights. I know this shouldn't influence my opinion of her as a person, but it just does.
  8. Student Finance. I just want my moneyyyy. Just so I can pay the rent. And eat. And have a life. And buy those really nice boots from New Look (before any of you start, yes, they are a priority. Mine have holes in!)
Ok, so there you go. There are my annoyances right now. I've just read that back and I sound like such a whingy miserable bitch. That so isn't what I'm like (any unfortunate fellow who is a regular reader of this blog will know that) I normally try to see the bright side.

Just so I'm not tempted to have a nice hot bath with a side order of slashed wrists, here are some of my bright sides:

  1. I have an amazing family. Granted, they're all fucking mental, but they're all healthy and happy.
  2. My friends are wicked. No, really. Heidi, Sonia, Em, Cat, Katie, Soph, Annie, Rosie, Adam, Jack, Jon, Matt, James, Jack B, Amy, Nat, this list could go on forever. Even if they're not reading this, I still want them to know I love them lots :')
  3. I might be ill and bitchy at the moment, but I am generally in good health and happiness.
  4. I might not be the most intelligent person out there, but I like to think that I'm reasonably bright and that I will be able to make something of myself.
  5. I'm slightly on the elephantine side now, but I'm a lot slimmer than I was this time last year. This time next year I'll be slimmer still. Its definitely going in the right direction!
  6. My hair looked nice today.
  7. I found a fiver in my coat pocket.
Ok, I'm about 110% sure that I've bored you all enough now. Also, I just took a huge batch of yummy tablets and they're making me dopey. So I'm going to head off to the land of nod!

Sweet dreams!

Lauren xxx


Sunday, 17 October 2010

Why Can't Things Ever Be Easy?

Seriously, just once, just once in my life, I would like something to be simple.

I will apologise now because this post has nothing whatsoever to do with Weight Watchers. The only foodie thing I will say is that I've gone massively over this weekend on booze and food, but I've got til Friday to be extra good and make it up so I don't care.

Now, onto the business at hand. ARRRRRRGGGHHHH.

The official title of my course at the University of Kent is 'English and American Literature with an approved year abroad'. Pretty simple right? Wrong. Firstly there are destinations across Europe and America to choose from. As I have absolutely no interest at all in anything European, I counted myself out of that one pretty swiftly. So, America, then?

I'll say now that two years ago when I was deciding on universities, Kent would not have been my first choice. The only reason I put it as my first choice was because they were the only one to guarantee a year in the states. Don't get me wrong, I like the university and the course, but its too close to home and the fact that there are people here who I went to school with really grates on me. Fact of the matter is, I wanted to come to uni and never see anyone from school ever again unless I wanted to. Now I'm prone to bump into them on campus and whenever friends come to visit me they want to see the others as well. It bothers me a lot less now than it did last year, we even get on and socialise together now which is nice. But still. Uni is supposed to be a clean break. Which it wasn't.

I digressed. Sorry. Back to my point.

I chose Kent because I was guaranteed a year abroad. Now, lo and fucking behold, it does not appear to be that easy. I have to put up a 'financial guarantee', a letter from a bank or something along the lines that states I have X amount of money (it differs depending on which university in the states you want to go to) that will be sat in an account for the entire year and will be available should I need to be flown home due to illness. Basically they don't want British exchange students being a drain on the American tax-payer. Which I can understand.

The only problem is, the universities I'm interested in (Massachusetts at Amherst, Maryland and South Carolina) all want financial guarantees of approximately £10,000 (about $14,000). Which I absolutely do not have. Which nobody in my family has.

So there goes the America dream.

Sorry for the huge rant there guys, I just really needed to let it all out. I've decided, much to the dismay of everybody who knows me, that if America goes completely out of the window I'm going to start again. Different uni, different course. Something geared more towards History perhaps. We'll have to see.

In the meantime, I really should be working.

Lauren xxx

Friday, 15 October 2010

Friday Morning

Well, I have just weighed myself and my first week back on track has resulted in a loss of 5.5lb!! I won't lie, I was expecting more than that, especially after I weighed myself yesterday and had lost almost 10lb! But I know weight fluctuates and is affected by all sorts of things so for now I'm just happy that I managed to lose that much! Yay! Here's hoping I see another good loss next week as well.

Now, this may sound slightly perverse, but I am suffering from what is known as my usual 'Friday morning blues'. Bizarre, I know. But I really don't like weekends at uni. It always seems like everyone but we is doing something really exciting. I know thats probably not the case, but I always feel a bit out of the loop for some reason, like nobody ever gets in touch unless I do first. Its probably me being silly and in all fairness its hardly a big shocker, I never made the effort last year. Might have been something to do with not wanting to leave my room EVER but still, thats not their fault.

On the bright side, my dad and brother are coming down to see me tomorrow for the day. Its only a 45 minute drive from my dads house to Canterbury so he tries to get down fairly regularly. I think we're going for lunch in Whitstable which is the next town over, its all pretty and sea-sidey, but will probably involve fish and chips for lunch so I'm planning to make some 0pt soup that I can have for tea tomorrow evening instead of using up more points (<--see, definitely a true fat-fighter again!) After that I have no idea what I will be doing for the weekend but it hardly sounds riveting either way - whoever said uni life is non-stop partying, lied. I want a refund.

Spose I shouldn't moan really...might give me a chance to get some work done....

Lauren xxx

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

I'm Baaackkk

Ok, ok, I know I've said that a billion gazillion times over the last couple of months, but this time I really really really mean it! The last couple of weeks have demonstrated to me, again, the shallowness of university life and although I'm loving this term, I'm pretty sure I'd love it more if I was a size 12!

So, anyway, as of last Thursday I have been back to tracking religiously. And from what I can tell from my sneaky peeks on the scales its definitely working. Friday morning is still weigh-in day so I will post my official loss for the week then, but I'm confident that it will be a good loss :) YAY!

I'm actually very impressed with myself this week because I've managed to stay on track AND enjoy going out. Magners Light is now my official favourite thing ever, its only 1pt per bottle and you wouldn't even know its not proper Magners! I've been drinking those whenever there are pre-drinks anywhere and sticking to vodka/bacardi and diet coke when I go out (not many places sell Magners Light) I've also been to Nando's, McDonalds, and ordered take-out this week, all within points (I admittedly did cash some of my BPs, but thats what they're there for!) I think as my points go down it will get harder again, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

While I'm posting, there is something else I should mention. A friend of mine recently shut down her blog because someone had left an unpleasant comment on one of her posts. I'm fortunate enough to have not had that happen to me as of yet, although I'm sure I will suffer the misfortune at some point in the future. When my friend told me what had happened, I was firstly annoyed at the pathetic person who felt the need to belittle someone else over the internet because to me that screams 'unhappy!'. Then I was angry at my friend for letting it get to her. She's so amazing, kind, strong, funny, intelligent and a thousand other things that I can't even begin to list, and there is no reason for her to have taken any notice of what that other person says. I know that its easier to listen to the bad things than listen to the good, and I'm pretty sure everyone else on the planet knows that as well, so it amazes me that someone would go onto someones blog and write something nasty.

I kind of feel like I'm rambling now, and not making any sense, but I suppose my point is that you have to do things for yourself, because thats the only way they'll ever get done. My mum nagged me for years to lose weight, but it never happened until I made the decision for me. It was, without a doubt, the best decision I ever made. It saved my life.
There are always going to be people out there who make you feel like crap, but you have to ask yourself 'why'? What are they getting out of it? If someone doesn't like the way you live your life, or doesn't accept your flaws as well as your strengths, then are they really worth it? I don't think so. Don't let someone else ruin something that you enjoy.

And don't be the person that ruins it for someone else.

'Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.' - Baz Luhrmann
Says it all really, doesn't it?

Lauren xxx

Sunday, 10 October 2010

Terrible Blogger!!

I can only apologise, I am a terrible blogger and have been greatly neglectful over the last month. Its taken a while to get back into the swing of uni, Weight Watchers and socialising but I'm getting back into it all now, after a 5lb gain. EEEEK. Hoping that being super-good this week will shift a couple of those and then all will be well :)

I'm absolutely loving uni and being in the house, although there have been some teething problems with the boys and cleanliness but it has definitely been better over the last couple of days. Uni is amazing as well, and I'm enjoying it sooo much more this year because the course is so much more interesting! I only have six contact hours a week which is a bit of a bitch because it means I only have two days a week on campus, and I get really bored so I've been spending a lot of time in the library. It means I'm getting more work done so I guess that's really a good thing.

I'm also enjoying the social side of things much more this term (could be something to do with being 3st lighter???) and I have been out of the house wearing shorts and a bodycon skirt which is daunting to say the least!! As I've been neglecting this blog so badly for almost a month (!!) I will upload some pics from the last few weeks. As I said I haven't lost any weight but the difference between now and eight months ago is scary!

None of these photos are great but they're the best I can do on short notice :)


This photo was taken on my 20th at the Wetherspoons in town. I apologise for the hair!!



I love this photo!! It was taken during Welcome Week when we helped out welcoming the new Freshers to uni life. LOVING the t-shirts, they're fabulous, aren't they?!





This little beauty was taken at the re-opening of the Works on the first day of term. It was insanely busy and I was already a little worse for wear but it was a wicked night!

Thats all from me for now because Heidi is here for the weekend and she needs to be fed!

Lauren xxx