I have lost count of the amount of 'back on track' posts that I have written over the last two years - suffice it to say that it is far too many. I suppose the fact that I keep coming back for more shows that I am dedicated to this thing, and I am determined to get there. I really have changed since I started all the way back in January 2010. Back then, I never thought I'd come this far. I thought it would be like all my other fleeting interests over the years - brownies, karate, kickboxing, drama school. I thought I'd stick with it for a few weeks and then I'd get bored and forget all about it. And yet, here I am, two years later and over six and a half stones lighter. I guess that counts for something.
That being said, I have got to stop falling spectacularly off the wagon every other week. The last five days has been horrendous - both in terms of eating and (a lack of) exercise. For some reason my weigh-in post didn't publish last Wednesday, but I lost 3.5lbs - bringing me to a total weight loss of 6st 10lbs and my lowest weight since I was 16. This week I wouldn't be surprised if I have regained all that and then some. I have a whole host of excuses lined up for you - not only have I been ill (don't get the mumps, by the way. It is tedious and extremely painful - not to mention unflattering) but I have also been visiting family in the West Country of all places! Cream teas, ice cream, fish and chips, more cream teas, steak dinners, and that is without mentioning all the service station stops on the way there and back. I'm also extremely hormonal and have been stressing hugely about essay deadlines and presentations. All these excuses I present to you, and they are all valid excuses, but they are just not good enough.
The truth of it is, I took my eyes off the prize. Two undeserved gains, albeit only totaling 1lb, completely threw me off my game. I have never had an undeserved gain before that and while I know that it shouldn't have had that effect on me, it knocked me for six. I was focused and ready for it before that, and although I got my groove back last week it still just felt like I was going through the motions.
Tomorrow I am weighing in and drawing a line over the last month or so - and the last week in particular. I am within touching distance of my goal weight now, and I can practically taste the -100lbs mark. I am so close to getting the thing that I've worked for for the last two years of my life. This has been my focus for so long now - its been at the forefront of everything I've done for such a long time that I don't remember who or what I was before it. Everything else has taken a backseat. I'm 6.5st lighter, to the detriment of pretty much every other aspect of my life. Would I do it again? In a heartbeat. Would I do it differently? Probably not. Do I need to get my backside back in the saddle and keep going until I get to the end? Hell yes I do. I've come too far to let it all slide away now. I'm not going to let that happen.
I am fully expecting to weigh in with a gain of up to 5lbs tomorrow - such has been the disgustingness of my eating habits over the last week. But whats done is done, and I can't undo it. Instead I'm drawing a line and getting back on the wagon. Back in the gym. Back into the frame of mind thats going to see me graduating from university in a size 12 dress, after arriving in 2009 in a size 22. I may have had a bit of a wobble over the last few weeks, but there is no way in hell that I'm going to let that stop me.
I will update tomorrow with the results of my weigh-in, and we'll take it from there. I'm planning a hardcore week of exercise and clean eating to get my head back in the game and hopefully repair whatever damage this week has done - wish me luck!